what are your ornaments

Why is post Christmasing so sad.

Is it because it's all over and the fun is in making it happen and not in unmaking it or is it because it's such a marker - another year, what did you do to be a better person, make your world a better place, what did you lose.

Perhaps is it because you have so much crap you are astounded and wonder where it all came from and how a holiday that occupies 1/12 of the year can take up so much space in the basement.

Maybe it's because you think that going into the basement is like a trip to purgatory - you are going underground and retrieving 15 giant plastic buckets of Christmas crap. Dante would be all over that.

Ok, basements aren't like a trip to purgatory unless it's for laundry. I just really hate packing Christmas up.

I didn't put them all on but I personally pulled all the ornaments off the tree. One of the people who was involved in installing them was putting them on without hangers. WTF. Seriously people. Any idea how difficult it is to remove an ornament on a 2 month old dried up live tree without a hanger? I will either have to be more discerning about the invite list for the decorating party or give clearer instructions. It's just that some things in life just seem so FUCKING OBVIOUS like using a tissue when you blow your nose or a hanger for a Christmas ornament.

Yeah, ok. So I really like ornaments. I look for them all the time, especially if they are exceptionally beautiful CHRISTmas things like angels or manger scenes - stuff by Waterford, Wedgewood. I note that this makes me like my mother. FINE.

In spite of all my years I have just learned that my personal collection of ornaments blows. I need to either let people know that's what to give me is lottery tickets AND ornaments for Christmas or stop giving away the stuff I buy because my tree is seriously ghetto.

But is this really my fault? Example? If you give me an ornament, I beg you, CHOOSE CAREFULLY. I will keep the damn thing no matter what it is. I will think of you and thank God for your friendship OR your affect on my life whenever I see it.

Look, I didn't make me or send me, so for pete's sake please do the right thing and give me something so awful it makes me laugh or something really pretty. I'm not kidding, I have things from when I was old enough to remember.

I know what's wrong with me and I suppose I am unleashing it unfairly on on my poor crappy ornaments.

The tree was actually especially beautiful this year. A few idiotic snowmen can't destroy that kind of magic. But it doesn't matter. I haven't seen my dad in a whole year and Mark's dad died two years ago which it turns out is way worse than dying one year ago. There's nothing that can make either of those things less awful at Christmas. Also the house is for sale and I was keenly aware the whole holiday season it might be the last one in my beautiful house.

But what's my real message here? YOU are my ornament so if you give me a reminder, I will think of you fondly at least twice a year - once on, once off, no matter where I am in my life. So make it a good one.

PS - Not that I would expect anything less, but especially nice job Jessica. Your ornament is so awesome I put so I could see it every time I went near the stairs. Damn fucking you, short of fire and flood, I will carry it with me forever.